Work and Dream Together
In your walks and talks and laughter and tears, go back together, and relive the thoughts of a young boy who sat on a hillside, looking at the sky and dreaming of the future. Discuss and analyze those dreams lovingly and understandingly with one another. Then work and pray together to make them come true.
In like manner, relive the hopes and aspirations of a young girl who often walked alone at sunset across her father’s fields—dreaming of a husband and home of her own someday, of children, security, warmth, laughter and joy. Be sure you work together to make her dreams come true.
Learn to respond to one another—openly and lovingly. Have no improper secrets. Bear no grudges. This is your only life, your only mate, your only love. Learn to think and feel in unison, solving all your problems together as a team. The mutual encouragement and stimulation you will feel, along with the added warmth and love you will experience, will add an extra dimension of understanding and purpose and joy to your life that cannot be obtained in any other way. Truly, “it is not good that man should be alone” (Genesis 2:18).
Learn To Forgive
Another absolute imperative in a truly happy marriage is the willingness to forgive. When two people share their entire lives, when they are together much of each day and night, there is bound to be friction occasionally. For we are, after all, only human. And by far the best way to solve this real problem is God’s way.
To sulk, to brood, to conjure up evil thoughts about your mate or attribute to your mate wrong motives is totally senseless. It only breeds more trouble, more discontent and possibly even divorce. Certainly, as we have said, you need to talk about your hurts and misunderstandings. Try to really listen to your mate’s point of view—not just sit there and think about what you are going to say next! Do not just think about how you are going to get back at them or “get even.”
Get even with whom? If you fully grasp and accept the fact that you and your mate are “one flesh” and bound together by God for life, then you would be trying to “get even” with yourself! You would simply be hurting yourself. You would, in effect, be “counter-attacking” yourself.
So if after a family argument or hearty discussion with your mate about some hurt—real or imagined—you still feel upset or angry with your mate, what should you do? Again, you simply need to do what God says you always need to do in such situations—forgive the other person!
But it was really their fault!” we find ourselves saying. “And besides, they haven’t even apologized to me, so how can I forgive them?” Through heartfelt prayer and God’s guidance, you can learn to forgive all kinds of people for all kinds of real or imagined “wrongs” they have inflicted on you; that other driver “cutting you off” at the freeway exit, the kid next door playing his rock music way too loud into the night or the neighbor lady gossiping about you.
Speaking of actions far, far worse than any of these, the One who is our ultimate Example, Jesus Christ, said: “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do” (Luke 23:34).
All of us must come to realize that most people do not “mean” to hurt us. They do not “mean” to do evil. They are simply human. They blurt out hurtful words or take harmful actions without thinking through what they are really doing. And so often it “hurts.”
But the One who gave His life for us commands: “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses” (Matthew 6:14–15). If, then, we are to forgive every person in this way, how much more should we forgive our precious mate who has now become our own flesh and bone?
What if your husband keeps on tracking in dirt from the yard or grease from the garage? What if your wife keeps on burning the toast once or twice a week?
Learn to approach your mate constructively and talk it over, of course. But if some of these human foibles persist, even for years, then just keep right on forgiving. After all, would you rather scrape your burnt toast once in a while or would you rather live alone, do your own cooking and have no one to talk to or cuddle with on cold wintry nights? Never forget what Jesus commanded: “Then Peter came to Him and said, ‘Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?’ Jesus said to him, ‘I do not say to you up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven’” (Matthew 18:21–22).
God's Plan for Happy Marriage
By Roderick C. Meredith
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Successful Marriage Requires Effort
Successful Marriage Requires Effort
To have this kind of God-ordained relationship in your marriage, you must both work at it! You will need to put the thought and energy into building your marriage that a top scientist might expend on an important new invention. Truly happy and successful couples never take their marriages for granted. Truly Christian couples regularly pray about their marriages. They study the Bible and other sources to improve their marriages. And they make a mutual commitment to make their marriages last—“till death do us part.”
All of this builds within their marriage a sense of “trust” and of stability. Indeed, as the author of Proverbs wrote: “Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies. The heart of her husband safely trusts her; so he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life” (Proverbs 31:10–12). What a beautiful picture of loving service and commitment on the part of a godly wife! Such a wife ought to be deeply appreciated and treasured.
A man with a truly loving wife should certainly respond in kind by “laying down his life” for his mate—loving her, honoring her, protecting her, providing for her and serving her in every way he can. And any decent husband should never, ever, ever let his mind or his emotions get involved romantically with another woman. Jesus Christ calls this kind of lustful thinking adultery: “But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matthew 5:28).
If acted upon, such a treacherous deed will not only devastate his wife and probably wreck their marriage, it will bring about a depth of sorrow and agony—let alone anger—to the husband of the other woman.
The One who made us male and female tells us: “Whoever commits adultery with a woman lacks understanding; he who does so destroys his own soul” (Proverbs 6:32). The original Hebrew is sometimes translated “lacks heart” instead of “lacks understanding.” For such ill-conceived, rotten, totally selfish behavior will virtually “tear the heart” out of a loving husband who finds that he has been defrauded and dishonored in this way. Certainly the same thing happens to a wife who finds herself defrauded. For the deep feelings of love and trust, of hearth and home, of deep commitment and security are suddenly shattered! No wonder this passage continues: “For jealousy is a husband’s fury; therefore he will not spare in the day of vengeance. He will accept no recompense, nor will he be appeased though you give many gifts” (vv. 34–35).
All of us who are married, or who may in the future be married, should make a profound commitment to honor our marriage vows in every way! We should study God’s Word on this subject, pray daily regarding our marriage and our family, thank God regularly if we have a loving and faithful mate, and do all within our power—with God’s help—to build a deep sense of love, of trust and of stability within our marriage. “Live joyfully with the wife whom you love all the days of your vain life which He has given you under the sun, all your days of vanity; for that is your portion in life, and in the labor which you perform under the sun” (Ecclesiastes 9:9). In this physical life there is no greater blessing than this kind of sanctified relationship!
God's Plan for Happy Marriage
By Roderick C. Meredith
To have this kind of God-ordained relationship in your marriage, you must both work at it! You will need to put the thought and energy into building your marriage that a top scientist might expend on an important new invention. Truly happy and successful couples never take their marriages for granted. Truly Christian couples regularly pray about their marriages. They study the Bible and other sources to improve their marriages. And they make a mutual commitment to make their marriages last—“till death do us part.”
All of this builds within their marriage a sense of “trust” and of stability. Indeed, as the author of Proverbs wrote: “Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies. The heart of her husband safely trusts her; so he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life” (Proverbs 31:10–12). What a beautiful picture of loving service and commitment on the part of a godly wife! Such a wife ought to be deeply appreciated and treasured.
A man with a truly loving wife should certainly respond in kind by “laying down his life” for his mate—loving her, honoring her, protecting her, providing for her and serving her in every way he can. And any decent husband should never, ever, ever let his mind or his emotions get involved romantically with another woman. Jesus Christ calls this kind of lustful thinking adultery: “But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matthew 5:28).
If acted upon, such a treacherous deed will not only devastate his wife and probably wreck their marriage, it will bring about a depth of sorrow and agony—let alone anger—to the husband of the other woman.
The One who made us male and female tells us: “Whoever commits adultery with a woman lacks understanding; he who does so destroys his own soul” (Proverbs 6:32). The original Hebrew is sometimes translated “lacks heart” instead of “lacks understanding.” For such ill-conceived, rotten, totally selfish behavior will virtually “tear the heart” out of a loving husband who finds that he has been defrauded and dishonored in this way. Certainly the same thing happens to a wife who finds herself defrauded. For the deep feelings of love and trust, of hearth and home, of deep commitment and security are suddenly shattered! No wonder this passage continues: “For jealousy is a husband’s fury; therefore he will not spare in the day of vengeance. He will accept no recompense, nor will he be appeased though you give many gifts” (vv. 34–35).
All of us who are married, or who may in the future be married, should make a profound commitment to honor our marriage vows in every way! We should study God’s Word on this subject, pray daily regarding our marriage and our family, thank God regularly if we have a loving and faithful mate, and do all within our power—with God’s help—to build a deep sense of love, of trust and of stability within our marriage. “Live joyfully with the wife whom you love all the days of your vain life which He has given you under the sun, all your days of vanity; for that is your portion in life, and in the labor which you perform under the sun” (Ecclesiastes 9:9). In this physical life there is no greater blessing than this kind of sanctified relationship!
God's Plan for Happy Marriage
By Roderick C. Meredith
Who Is Your Enemy?
I stayed up quite late last night and did alot of reading in the new bible that I had purchased earlier that afternoon. There is so much valuable information in it that I had to force myself to put it down and get some sleep! I came upon this one article and wanted to share some of it tonight.
A magazine once made a statement that "Marriage is the only war where you sleep with the enemy."
I would much rather picture the world as the true battlefield and marriage as God's smallest battle formation for winning the war. Every married couple needs to understand a very important and crucial biblical principle: Your mate is NOT your enemy. Paul says in the bible - "For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood" (Eph. 6:12)
Picture marriage as two people joined together in a foxhole, cooperating in a battle against a common enemy. Take a good look at your own foxhole. (as I am doing myself!) Are we fighting the enemy or are we fighting each other? Someone once said, " I was so busy standing up in the foxhole, duking it out with my husband, that I had no time to be involved in fighting against the real enemy." This sounds like my life and definately hit home for me.
We need to keep in mind that whenever we declare war on our mate, ultimately we are opposing God Himself. What a sobering thought this was for me! It means we are rejecting the very person that God has provided to complete us and to meet our needs.
A practical little test I had to stop and do on myself was - do I view my mate as an enemy or a fellow soldier? Do I focus more on the negative in him or do I focus more on the positiive? I definately realized exactly what I was really doing in my personal life.
I realized right then that the real enemy is the devil who loves to decieve us and convince us that our mate is our enemy. His ultimate goal is to divide us, make us oppose each other and set our focus on waging war against each other. We need to stop and say to ourself - my spouse is not my enemy, then focus on the strategies of the one who wants to destroy us, our family and our marriage.
A magazine once made a statement that "Marriage is the only war where you sleep with the enemy."
I would much rather picture the world as the true battlefield and marriage as God's smallest battle formation for winning the war. Every married couple needs to understand a very important and crucial biblical principle: Your mate is NOT your enemy. Paul says in the bible - "For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood" (Eph. 6:12)
Picture marriage as two people joined together in a foxhole, cooperating in a battle against a common enemy. Take a good look at your own foxhole. (as I am doing myself!) Are we fighting the enemy or are we fighting each other? Someone once said, " I was so busy standing up in the foxhole, duking it out with my husband, that I had no time to be involved in fighting against the real enemy." This sounds like my life and definately hit home for me.
We need to keep in mind that whenever we declare war on our mate, ultimately we are opposing God Himself. What a sobering thought this was for me! It means we are rejecting the very person that God has provided to complete us and to meet our needs.
A practical little test I had to stop and do on myself was - do I view my mate as an enemy or a fellow soldier? Do I focus more on the negative in him or do I focus more on the positiive? I definately realized exactly what I was really doing in my personal life.
I realized right then that the real enemy is the devil who loves to decieve us and convince us that our mate is our enemy. His ultimate goal is to divide us, make us oppose each other and set our focus on waging war against each other. We need to stop and say to ourself - my spouse is not my enemy, then focus on the strategies of the one who wants to destroy us, our family and our marriage.
Keep Your Vows
I feel compelled to share something I read today, completely by "accident." I went shopping for a new bible today and saw one that interested me so I opened it and it fell on this page - the page I am about to share with you.
Keep Your Vows
Breaking a covenant made before God is one of the most treacherous sins possible. When it's a marriage vow, it betrays a sacred promise made to another person and defies the living God. Jesus tells us, "Therefore what God has joined together let not man separate." Mark 10:9.
When we make a vow, when we enter into the covenant of marriage, we no longer are in a place of asking whether we should keep it; now we are in a place of asking how we should keep it. "When you make a vow to God, do not delay to pay it; for He has no pleasure in fools." Ecclesiastes 5:4.
We need to ask "How do we make this work? What must we do to make our marriage the kind of union God wants it to be? How can we make sure we are truely committed to one another and not just going through the motions?"
God established marriage and He calls each of us who have entered into this covenant relationship to fullfill its most holy calling by treating it as a sacred covenant, not just between two people but also between two people and a holy God.
After reading this at the book store, I sat down and had to really absord it all with tears in my eyes. My heart is for hurting women and men who are suffering in their marriages and contemplating divorce. It hit me hard, as I am facing the same - unless God performs a true miracle is our lives. My prayer is for more couples to truly embrace the real meaning of the marriage covenant - and for the word "divorce" to never be a part of their vocabulary. With God all things are possible - even restoration of relationships and marriages.
I invite you all to check out the bible called the Family Life Marriage Bible available at your Christian book store.
Keep Your Vows
Breaking a covenant made before God is one of the most treacherous sins possible. When it's a marriage vow, it betrays a sacred promise made to another person and defies the living God. Jesus tells us, "Therefore what God has joined together let not man separate." Mark 10:9.
When we make a vow, when we enter into the covenant of marriage, we no longer are in a place of asking whether we should keep it; now we are in a place of asking how we should keep it. "When you make a vow to God, do not delay to pay it; for He has no pleasure in fools." Ecclesiastes 5:4.
We need to ask "How do we make this work? What must we do to make our marriage the kind of union God wants it to be? How can we make sure we are truely committed to one another and not just going through the motions?"
God established marriage and He calls each of us who have entered into this covenant relationship to fullfill its most holy calling by treating it as a sacred covenant, not just between two people but also between two people and a holy God.
After reading this at the book store, I sat down and had to really absord it all with tears in my eyes. My heart is for hurting women and men who are suffering in their marriages and contemplating divorce. It hit me hard, as I am facing the same - unless God performs a true miracle is our lives. My prayer is for more couples to truly embrace the real meaning of the marriage covenant - and for the word "divorce" to never be a part of their vocabulary. With God all things are possible - even restoration of relationships and marriages.
I invite you all to check out the bible called the Family Life Marriage Bible available at your Christian book store.
I should just get over it?
Our culture and society today feeds the desire for a quick fix for everything. In movies, characters complex life issues work themselves out in 2 hrs or less. If we are hungry, we pop something in the microwave... or run off to the nearest fast food restaraunt to be fed quick. Any info we need is instantly available online. But in reality this isn't how our emotions work. It isn't how our brains work. Processing a deep loss takes time. Sometimes weeks, months or even years. If you are on a journey after a signifigant loss as I am - keep these things in mind.
*You are never alone.
God promises us He will comfort us and guide us. He oftens uses others in our life to comfort us as well - friends, family and counselors. I am currently seeking a counselor or support group for myself as I feel this will be very beneficial to me as it gets closer to the final court date of my divorce. I have learmed that asking for help is NOT a sign of weakness - it's a sign of wisdom.
*You need time.
Take time to honor the loss, sorrow, anger, or whatever overwhelming emotions that you feel - and in doing so it can be difficult even painful. But that's how you work through those feelings. Just because you don't just immediantly bounce right back from a loss does not mean you are less spiritual - it means you are fully human.
*You are normal.
The Bible is very clear in that it tells us we will all experience times of grief and sorrow and suffering. I read in Psalms 42 how David revealed his heart felt concerns and sadness. Many Bible characters grieved and went through times of severe losses and painful experiences. Including Jesus himself.
*Taken from the Family Caregiver Alliance - the following states that:
"Recent research has shown that intense grieving lasts from 3 months to a year and many people continue experiencing profound grief for 2 years or more. Others response to this extended grieving process may sometimes cause people to feel something is wrong with them or they are behaving abnormally. This is not the case.. prolonged grief is not unusual."
I say all this to say that I will overcome all of the obsticals and challenges I face in my own time.. and I have no idea how long that will take, but that I do my best and take things one day at a time. I can't be rushed - I am only human. I have much to face and I admit I am scared and unsure of what my future holds - but I am thankful for everyone who loves me, accepts me, encourages me, forgives me, helps me and is there for me.
*You are never alone.
God promises us He will comfort us and guide us. He oftens uses others in our life to comfort us as well - friends, family and counselors. I am currently seeking a counselor or support group for myself as I feel this will be very beneficial to me as it gets closer to the final court date of my divorce. I have learmed that asking for help is NOT a sign of weakness - it's a sign of wisdom.
*You need time.
Take time to honor the loss, sorrow, anger, or whatever overwhelming emotions that you feel - and in doing so it can be difficult even painful. But that's how you work through those feelings. Just because you don't just immediantly bounce right back from a loss does not mean you are less spiritual - it means you are fully human.
*You are normal.
The Bible is very clear in that it tells us we will all experience times of grief and sorrow and suffering. I read in Psalms 42 how David revealed his heart felt concerns and sadness. Many Bible characters grieved and went through times of severe losses and painful experiences. Including Jesus himself.
*Taken from the Family Caregiver Alliance - the following states that:
"Recent research has shown that intense grieving lasts from 3 months to a year and many people continue experiencing profound grief for 2 years or more. Others response to this extended grieving process may sometimes cause people to feel something is wrong with them or they are behaving abnormally. This is not the case.. prolonged grief is not unusual."
I say all this to say that I will overcome all of the obsticals and challenges I face in my own time.. and I have no idea how long that will take, but that I do my best and take things one day at a time. I can't be rushed - I am only human. I have much to face and I admit I am scared and unsure of what my future holds - but I am thankful for everyone who loves me, accepts me, encourages me, forgives me, helps me and is there for me.
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